Busted Because of Bertinelli

As you read this post, let your mind wander back to the year 1977. Jimmy Carter was President of the United States. The TV series, "Roots," was being seen for the very first time. Freddie Prinze from "Chico and the Man," committed suicide. The movie, "Star Wars," was released and became the highest grossing movie of all time. James Earl Ray escaped from Brushy Mountain prison. And, the Food Stamp Act was first introduced that year.

In June of '77, my sister Pam bought a "Teen Beat" magazine. Of course she had purchased it because the Bay City Rollers were featured in it. She used to buy as many of these types of magazines that she could; Teen Beat, Tiger Beat, 16 Magazine, etc... She was obsessed with the Bay City Rollers, especially their guitarist and lead singer, Eric Faulkner.

Well, at the time Pam was obsessed with Eric Faulkner, I was obsessed with Valerie Bertinelli. She was at the peak of her popularity with the TV show, "One Day At A Time." I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. She also reminded me of a girl in my class at school that I had a huge crush on, Lena Loveday (that's another post for another day.) I would lay in the floor and watch her on television and daydream. Pam used to tease me about her. Of course I would act like it made me mad but in reality I relished having my name spoken in the same sentence with Valerie Bertinelli's.

Imagine my surprise when Pam told me that my "girlfriend" was in her Teen Beat magazine! Sure enough, she turned to page 31, and there she was in all of her glory. You could have hit me over the head with a baseball bat and I probably wouldn't have noticed. I had to have that picture for my own. I can't remember what all I traded to get that picture, but, I do remember I gave up some 45 rpm records and I agreed to be Pam's slave for a week. It was all worth it. I was so proud of that picture. I hung it on my bedroom wall, just above my bed so I could lay there at night and fall asleep staring at it.

Like I said, that magazine came out in June of '77, so it was during summer break from school. Well, when September rolled around and we had to go back to school, I decided that Valerie Bertinelli would be going along with me. I was 10-years old that year and was in the 5th grade at Gibbs Elementary. I remember sitting there at my desk, opening up my denim notebook, and staring into Valerie's eyes. "Byron, Byron, Byron!!!!" Someone startled me from my trance. It was my teacher. She was standing behind me looking over my shoulder. "She's a very pretty girl but you need to be paying attention to what I'm saying instead of looking at her!" I was so busted. I could feel my face turning beet red as my classmates giggled and laughed at me. The teacher made me stand in the corner of the room and face the wall for the rest of the class period. She also took up my picture and put it in her desk and said she would give it back to me at the end of the year...I never got it back. I wonder what she did with it???