Grand theft auto

I believe the statute of limitations has passed on this incident, so I thought I'd go ahead and blog about it. You are going to think that I've made all of this up but I swear on a stack of King James Bible's it's the truth!

It was the summer of 1980, I wouldn't turn 15 until August 3rd, so it was June or July. My best friend Kevin was already 15 because his birthday is January 3rd. He and I, along with our buddy Patrick, had been in the woods shooting guns and goofing off. Patrick had brought a 357 Smith and Wesson, and a 9mm pistol, and Kevin and I both had our shotguns. We liked to shoot just to hear the noise and see objects explode on impact. (Yeah, that's what normal teenage boys did in my neck of the woods.) After we ran out of ammunition we sat around a campfire and told stories, ate fried rabbit that I had confiscated from my mother's kitchen, dipped Skoal, chewed Red Man, and spit in the fire. It started getting cloudy and the next thing we knew, it began to rain. We decided to grab our stuff and head to Kevin's house, since it was the closest. As we were heading to the house, we had the bright idea of camping out in Kevin's dad's 1964 Fairlane station wagon instead. His dad didn't drive it much anymore so it mostly just sat in the driveway. The back of it was big enough to house 3 boys in sleeping bags and we discovered that it made a cozy place to spend the night out of the weather.

We laid there wide awake all night in the back of that station wagon, talking about everything from firearms to girls. All of a sudden it dawned on us that Kevin now had a learner's permit. Now you know as well as I do that a learner's permit can only be used when there is a licensed adult in the car with you when you are driving. Well, we weren’t going to let that stop us from giving the Fairlane a test drive. Like I mentioned, Kevin's dad didn't drive that car much anymore so we waited until he left to go to work at his job at Standard Knitting Mills. He always left really early in the morning (I think around 5:00 am) so we bid our time until he left. As soon as he got out of the driveway Kevin climbed behind the wheel. I jumped in the passenger side front seat and Patrick took the back seat. We cranked that Fairlane up, pulled onto Maloneyville Rd., and headed toward Halls.

The district of Halls is about 15-miles away from where Kevin lived and there wasn't a whole lot out there back in the early '80's. K-mart was the only big store and it was pretty new. The Wal-Mart wouldn't be built for several years later. We drove around Halls for a while enjoying our little adventure. We were about to head back toward home and we were driving down Maynardville Hwy toward Emory Rd. when all of a sudden that station wagon just quit running. Kevin cranked and cranked on it trying to get the motor to fire up again but it wouldn't hit a lick. What were we going to do? We had to get that car back to Kevin's house before his dad got home from work and it was already passed noon!

There used to be a dairy in Halls, right behind where the Wal-Mart sits right now. Patrick's dad worked at that dairy so we decided to walk to it and see if he could help us. Luckily Patrick's dad was pretty laid back and he didn't read us the riot act for stealing a car and joy riding without a license or an adult. He drove us back over to the Fairlane, got out, popped the massive hood up and leaned down in the engine bay. "Get in and turn the engine over," he hollered. Kevin climbed in and turned the key. "Rrrrrrr, rrrrrr, rrrrrr," nothing.. "Okay, hang on a second," Patrick's dad said. He tinkered around for a while longer, pulled the gas line from the carburetor and blew into it. "Psssssssssssssssssssss," nothing but air. "Well, you ain't got no gas in this car," he said. Me, Kevin and Patrick all looked at each other like idiots. Then Patrick's dad got us some gas and sent us on our way.

"Man, that was a close one," Kevin said. Patrick and I both agreed that we were really lucky. "Hey, it's still a couple of hours before you dad gets home," I said. So, we decided to drive on to House Mountain Market and buy some tobacco. We were heading up Emory Rd. feeling like some pretty big men. Patrick and I were messing around opening and closing the doors while Kevin drove. We were about 2-miles from the store, right at Rogers and Emory when Kevin shouted, "Oh crap!" Then we heard the siren blaring behind us. I looked back and 2-foot behind us was a Knox County Sheriff’s cruiser! A voice started blaring from a loud speaker, "pull the car over!" Blue lights were flashing and the siren was deafening us. Kevin stopped the car smack dab in the middle of Emory Rd. The cop got out, walked over to the driver's side door, leaned down, looked at Kevin and said, "GET OUT!" "Oh crap," I thought to myself, "we are so dead." Patrick leaned up and whispered in my ear, "we've got guns laying all over the back of the car!" All I could think about was what my dad was going to do to me when he had to come and pick me up at the jail.

By this time, the cop had Kevin standing behind the car and was drilling him with questions. "Where are you going, where have you been, who's car is this, who is that riding with you?" etc, etc, etc. I could hear Kevin trying his best to explain everything. You couldn't have hammered a 6-penny finish nail up our hind-ends we were so scared. Patrick and I were contemplating opening the doors, jumping out, and running through the cow pasture to escape. I was sweating bullets and reading imaginary newspaper headlines in my mind. "Knoxville Teens Arrested During Crime Spree" or "Three Gibbs High Students Charged With Grand Theft Auto." Oh man, it was going to be bad.

I guess the good Lord was looking out for us that day. After about 10-minutes, Kevin came back to the car, climbed back into the seat and said, "well boys, he pulled us over because the tags are expired on the license plate. He said for us to go back home, park the car and never get in it again. He also said if we get pulled over between here and my house that he hopes we get arrested." You can't imagine the relief we felt when we got that Fairlane back in Kevin's driveway with an hour to go before his dad got home! Unless Kevin told his dad about all of this, I don't reckon he ever found out...he's a deacon at my church, hopefully he's not a reader of Tug's Life too!