On hold and feeling anxious

Don't you just hate being on hold? There is nothing more aggravating than to have to call someplace to talk to someone and then be put on hold while they get around to you. I'm sure the call is nowhere near as important to the person being called than to the person making the call. When we are like that, we imagine all sorts of things in our head. "They just don't want to talk to me." "My call must not be important to them." "They are probably ignoring me." Or worst of all; "I'll probably get disconnected." It is sort of out of your control when it's like that.

I feel like I am on hold right now. Not on the phone mind you, but in life. I mentioned in THIS post that I am pressing toward the mark, and I am doing that. But, right now it feels like the brakes are on. I was so excited about getting to start Seminary classes. I prayed about it, I planned, I didn't dive into it quickly or anything. I felt like it was what God wanted me to do (and I still do.) Then, after I get enrolled, accepted, and completed my first assignment, I am faced with lack of finances. Seems like all manner of things have came up ever since getting accepted. I feel like I need to blame someone. Is it the devil holding me back? Is it President Obama holding me back? Am I holding myself back? Or, is God making me wait?

Now, it's no secret that I'm not a wealthy person. I never have been and I'm sure I never will be. Money doesn't mean a whole lot to me. I like having enough to survive on and to make my family comfortable, but as long as we have a roof over our heads and food on the table, I am pretty happy. Things cost money though. When I first went to college, I was able to obtain my A.S. degree nearly completely paid for by grants. When I enrolled for my B.S., I had to take out student loans which I'll be paying back for the next several years. I no longer qualify for grants because I have a B.S. I don't want to take out more student loan money, that's just more money to have to pay back with interest. I certainly don't want to put the classes on a credit card at 17-22% interest. So what's a man to do? The first course is going to require at least $500.00 up front for matriculation fees, course fees, and books. That's a large chunk of change to come up with all at once and still be able to feed my family.

I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me. I'm just writing it out because it makes me feel better. I have the faith that God will provide in His own time. Maybe there is a source of income waiting on me that I don't know about yet. Perhaps a refund from something that I know nothing about? Maybe a secret millionaire out there somewhere looking for a worthy cause to donate to? ;) Who knows? All I know for sure is, right now I'm on hold and feeling anxious.