Honey, you can do it

We knew this day was coming but even so, it came too soon. I knew from the sound of the phone ringing early on Saturday morning that something was wrong. I answered and my mother told me I needed to come to my aunt Barbara's house as soon as I could. I quickly got ready and made my way over there.

I had just been to see my aunt Barbara on Wednesday and I'm glad that I did. On that visit she was not doing very well but still coherent. I sat and held her hand, prayed, and talked with her while she tried to keep her eyes open. I knew then that it would probably be the last time I would be able to talk to her. I would have stayed all day but I had to go to work.

I entered the room on Saturday morning around 7:45. Her daughter, Natalie, was on one side of her and her sister, Brenda, and my mom and dad on the other side. Other family members were gathered around the room and in the house. My aunt Brenda announced to Barbara that I had came to see her. I don't know if she understood what she said or not. I felt like such a blundering idiot when I came up beside her, touched her hand and said, "how are you doing Barbara?" I didn't know what else to say. I thought to myself, if she is aware of what is going on around her then she is probably thinking to herself, "how does it look like I'm doing?" My hands were cold from just arriving from outside so I didn't want to make her uncomfortable by holding on to her. All I could do was stand near by and pray.

As the day wore on we all knew what was happening. As her breathing labored and her blood pressure dropped we knew that God was going to call her home and that there wasn't anything we could do about it. The house filled with family and friends and we sat and chatted, drank coffee and just waited. I thought to myself, "Barbara would hate this if she knew what was going on." She was always so particular with how she looked. She was always a picture of perfection. Hair perfect, nails polished, dressed in the nicest clothes, I know she wouldn't have wanted people to see her in the condition she was in. But, what else could we do?  I suppose my pastor said it best, "death is a cruel thing."

Around 2:30 PM as I was sitting on the screened-in-porch, my mother came to the door and said, "Byron, she's gone." We all made our way into the room where my precious aunt Barbara lay motionless. It was a sight that I wish I could forget but I know will always be branded on my consciousness. As my uncle Chester lovingly brushed her hair back with his hand I could hear the sobs of my family members all standing around. I held tight to my wife Mary and tried to make some kind of sense of it all. I needed to grieve in complete silence so I went outside and stood beside the fence row surrounding Barbara's house and just prayed. As I stood there the wind was blowing very fierce causing acorns to drop from the large tree in the front yard. I took that as God's assurance to me that he was still there and had everything under control. I knelt down and scooped up a newly fallen acorn and stuck it in my pocket. It will be my eternal reminder of that day.

Barbara was more than just my aunt. She was my pianist, my mentor, and a source of strength in my music ministry. She was the one that made me confident enough to stand before a congegation of people and lead the singing. She painstakingly lowered every song in the church hymnal for me so that I would be able to lead without straining my voice. When I would say, "Barbara, I can't do it," she would say, "honey, you can do it, I'll help you." We were a team working in the church for our Lord. Together we were able to teach complicated music to choirs that had no formal training in music. I can remember picking out Christmas cantata's and saying to her, "I just don't think the choir can do this," and she would say, "aw, they can do it because we'll help em." That's just the way she was and I depended on her to be that way.

I could probably sit here and write all day long about my memories and thoughts about Barbara but I have so much to do in preparation for preaching her funeral tonight. She always knew what she wanted in life and once she made her mind up about something there was nothing and nobody that could change it. When she asked me to preach the message for her I immediately wanted to resist and say there's no way I can do that. I asked her if she was sure she wanted me to and she said, "honey, of course I'm sure, I want you to do it and I know you'll do a good job." I feel honored that she thought enough of me to ask me. I never was able to do much for her, but tonight, with the Lord's help, I am going to stand boldly and confident and pour everything I have in the message. If I start to lose confidence I can just remember what she always said to me, "honey, you can do it." 

Barbara Chesney DeMarcus

 DEMARCUS, BARBARA CHESNEY - age 67 of Corryton went to her Heavenly home on November 13th 2010 following a two year battle with cancer. She was surrounded by her family and friends. Preceded in death by her beloved parents; Lorn and Bessie Chesney and niece Pamela Chesney Stanifer. She is survived by her loving husband of 49 years W. Chester DeMarcus; her angel daughter Natalie and son-in-law Sam Wade; brother and sister-in-law James Carroll and Sue Chesney; sister and brother-in-law Brenda and Derrell Frye; nephews Brad Carlisle and wife Melanie; Byron Chesney and wife Mary; Josh Chesney and wife Amanda; niece Jennifer Chesney White and husband Jon; 14 great nieces and nephews; lifelong friend Patsy Turner; special friends Hazel Bridges, Helen Henderson, Linda Hickman and many more extended family and friends. She was a devout Christian and a faithful member and pianist of Highland Baptist Church. Barbara loved the piano from an early age. She began playing in church at fourteen. Soon she was assisting many church singing groups and soloists. Barbara began to see her gift and love of music and the piano as her special ministry for Christ. Over her lifetime, she served in many churches never taking monetary compensation for her many hours of faithful service. She especially loved helping churches that were often unable to acquire a competent pianist that could work with a choir as well as groups, individuals and children. She will be lovingly remembered as a true servant of God devoted to her husband, her family, her friends and her church. The family will receive friends at Highland Baptist Church on Babelay Road from 5-7 P.M. on Monday with the funeral service to follow with Pastor Dave Hutchinson and Rev. Byron Chesney officiating. Family and friends will meet at 10:15A.M. Tuesday at Bridges Funeral Home and proceed to Union Cemetery on Washington Pike for an 11 A.M. interment with Rev. William Winters officiating. Pallbearers will be Larry Turner, Sam Wade, Steve Lawson, Brad Carlisle, Josh Chesney and Matthew Chesney. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Music Ministry of Highland Baptist Church 6014 Babelay Rd. Knoxville, TN. 37924. Arrangements by Bridges Funeral Home 5430 Rutledge Pike 865-523-4999. www.bridgesfuneralhome.com

Published in Knoxville News Sentinel on November 15, 2010