Locked out

This rusty old padlock is on a gate across the road in front of my house. It leads to a cow pasture where there is an old barn, a couple of ponds, and about 20 head of cattle. I suppose the lock is there to keep undesirables from driving their vehicles into the field. It certainly does not keep one from simply climbing the 4-foot high gate, or slipping between the strands of barbed wire fence to gain access.

Sometimes I feel like my life has an old rusty padlock on it. It is preventing me from obtaining my hopes and dreams. I can see what is on the other side, and I could probably cheat and slip past, but my good conscience will not allow me to. I know they say that life is what you make it, but at what costs? If the only way you can achieve success is by cheating, or being someone that you aren't, or by doing things you don't do, is it really worth it?

I'm not trying to be "deep" here; just honest. Are we really put on this earth to simply live, work, and die? I would hope not. I aspire to do something great, to leave behind some kind of mark, to make a difference some way some how. There are so many things that interest me, so many things that I enjoy doing, so many things that I believe I could excel at. Yet, my focus is distorted. You've heard that saying, "jack of all trades, master of none," that pretty much sums me up. I consider myself to be a musician, a writer, a teacher, a preacher, and I do all of those things. But, my profession is technical by trade, something that I really do not enjoy... at all. Most of my life is spent working for my employer, being miserable, dreading every waking day. Again, locked out of what I want to do, and what I want to be.

Could I make something happen? Yes. I could walk into the office on Monday, turn in my notice, and walk out with dreams of doing what I want to do. Then the harsh reality of what lies ahead would sink in about the time I pulled out of the parking lot and noticed that I was running low on gas. How can I pay the bills? How can I provide food and shelter for my family? How can I hold onto to the current standard of living that my family and I enjoy and depend upon? "Trust in God," they say. "Have the faith," they say. They, who are they? Are they providing for my family? I DO have faith, I DO trust in God, but I also know that God gives us the ability to make wise or stupid decisions. If one were to just throw their hands up and say, "God, I'm trusting that you will take care of me and I'm walking out on faith that you will provide," and then just stand there and wait, I think one would be waiting until the day they died... probably of starvation!

I honestly and truly believe that God wants us to be happy. I know as a parent, I want that for my children. If my kids want or need something, all they have to do is ask, and as long as it's not something that would harm them I will do everything in my power to make it happen. Is God protecting me by not allowing me to have what I want? Is there some reason that I shouldn't be what I want to be? If you are reading this, I'm not really expecting you to have the answers either. If you care to give your input then I'm all ears. Meanwhile I have no choice but to just keep on keeping on. Like I said in THIS post, I'm not going to let Satan steal my song, but I sure wouldn't mind a little relief. I'm hoping that one day, someone will forget and leave a key in that padlock that seems to be keeping me from achieving my dreams.