A plumber Tug ain't!

Okay so this whole saga began last Friday afternoon. It was getting close to VBS commencement night service and I hadn't taken a shower yet. I knew the bathtub was stopped up but I figured it was like all the other times and I could just take a sink plunger and plunge it free. After plunging on the stupid thing for 30 minutes I had managed to only pull my shoulder out of socket, the drain was still clogged. I took a shower anyway, standing calf deep in nasty water. Luckily everyone else had already had their baths for the day.

The next day we had plans to get away from home for a while and we wanted to get an early start. There was no way we were all going to shower in that disgusting water. I grabbed a screwdriver and began poking around in the drain. I'm no plumber but I figure there must be something pretty large blocking the drain hole. I kept gouging around in there and finally decided to see if I could push through. I was successful. I had managed to push through whatever was blocking the drain and the water drained out. Everyone showered and we were footloose and fancy-free.

We headed out of town and ended up in Asheville, NC down around Biltmore. We were just trying to get a change of scenery. (I'll post about the high-speed police chase we were involved with on I-40 on another day.) The whole week afterwards we were occupied with work and lice treatments and I hadn't thought much about the drain.

You can only imagine how pleased I was when my wife announced that she had went in the basement to get something out of the freezer and the whole basement was flooded with muddy water. Immediately I knew what had happened. I hadn't unclogged the drain after all, I had punched through the PVC pipe and the bath water was draining underneath the house!

So that brings me to today. I got up early this morning and read my Bible, listened to a sermon, took notes and completed an assignment in my seminary notebook. Then I quickly wrote a blog post and commenced to the bathroom to work on the plumbing. I took everything apart and surveyed the damage. I figured a quick trip to Lowes for a new part and I'd be all set. Not so fast... After looking at all of the plumbing choices at Lowes I finally settled on a new piece that looked like the one that I had destroyed. Of course they didn't sell it by itself, it came in a kit. The kit was $19.99. I grumbled about the price but bought it anyway. I got home with it and started piecing things back together. But, as my luck would have it, it was the wrong dadgum size! I had visions of going to Lowes and slinging all the parts through the front window of the store and then doing doughnuts in the parking lot. I managed to remain under control, went back to Lowes, took the old part back and got a new kit. The new kit was $34.00... of course.

After working on the pipes for about an hour, I finally got everything put back together. Oh, it was a lovely sight. Just before patting myself on the back, I decided to test it out. I turned the water on full blast and filled the tub up to about 1/4 full. I pulled the drain plug to let it drain... nothing. The water just stood there. I could feel a deep anger rising up from within. I turned and looked in the bathroom mirror. My eyes had dilated and were turning white. My skin took on a dark green hue as my shirt buttons tore from their threads. I was in full Hulk mode. I looked around for the biggest object to destroy. I had intentions of ripping the bathtub, commode, and sink from their fixtures and slamming them through the bathroom window. Cities were going to be destroyed. No man or beast would be safe in my wake!

Finally I got a grip on myself, sat down on the side of the tub, threw my head into my hands and prayed. "Why Lord? What has your servant done to deserve going through such misery?" I was sweating so hard that it was dripping in great drops and splashing on the floor beside my feet. I managed to rise up, walk to the bathroom sink and turned on the water. "Well I'll be dadgum," the stupid sink was now stopped up! I grabbed the sink plunger and attacked the sink like a mad man. It was going to come unstopped or I was going to drive it through the floor of the house! You cannot imagine the feeling that came over me when all of a sudden I heard a loud suctioning sound. It was like Norris Dam had just broken loose. I turned and looked at the bathtub. Water was whirl pooling down the drain like in those Tidy Bowl commercials. "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord!!!" I shouted. My whole family came running to the bathroom. "It's fixed! It's fixed!" I proclaimed. For the next 5 minutes we were like the Who's down in Whoville singing fah who for-aze around the Christmas tree. Life is good again! The bathtub is draining and not into the basement this time!

I'd like to say there is a moral to this story but I don't know what it is if there is. I can tell you this much, a plumber I ain’t!