Don't know what you've got til it's gone

I’m sitting here this evening thinking about the past. I probably shouldn’t be because I am really getting depressed. It began when I sat on the couch with my laptop and started going through my audio files. I started playing songs from the New Hope Trio, which was the group my sister Pam sang in when she was living. My two favorites on this particular album were ones that Pam sang the lead on: He’ll Do It Again, (which you can listen to from the video at the end of this post) and More Than Conquerors. She was so talented. It will be 7-years this December 16th since I last saw my sister. I still can’t figure out why God needed her so much that he would take her away so early in life. I fully intend to find out when I meet him. I realize the Bible tells me that his thoughts are not my thoughts and my ways are not his ways, but I can’t help but wonder why?

The other night my son and my youngest daughter were arguing and saying mean hurtful things to each other. I quickly told them they better be grateful for each other and show love to each other now because you never know when one might be taken away. I always thought I would have my big sister in my life. She was like a rock. I always knew I could count on her to be there when I needed her. I suppose I took her for granted. Of course hindsight is 20/20.

My oldest daughter, Jessica, has inherited several traits from Pam. Silly things like the way she takes glasses of things to drink into her room and leaves the glasses sitting around for days until she comes walking into the kitchen carrying an arm load of them to be washed. Some of her mannerisms and even her looks are a lot like Pam. I believe Jess could sing really good like Pam if she would just quit being so shy and put forth a little effort. Jess was only 8-years old when Pam passed away. She remembers her a little bit but not a whole lot.

Pam used to collect things too. She had an amazing cookie jar collection. Everything from very old antique jars to brand new ones. It was always easy to think of something to buy her for Christmas or birthdays because she would always love a cookie jar. She would display them around the top of her kitchen cabinets. There was about a foot and a half space between the tops of her cabinets and the ceiling and she had those things sitting all around up there. She also collected piano figurines and of course music and books.

One thing that I keep thinking about is when she was in the hospital at St. Mary’s. It was around Christmas time and I had bought her a Bay City Rollers CD as a present. I was so excited about giving it to her. The Bay City Rollers were her very favorite rock band back in the ‘70’s. She used to collect all of their albums, magazines, and anything else she could get her hands on. Well, I had found a new compilation CD of their biggest hits and bought it for her. I watched her open the present and she just went on and on about it and acted really excited about getting it. I didn’t know that she already had the exact same CD already. She never said a word about it. In fact, I didn’t know it until after she had passed away and we were going through all of her CD’s and I noticed she had 2 of them. I said something to Michael about it and he told me that she didn’t want to say anything about it when I gave her the one I bought her. That’s the way Pam was. She would go out of her way to keep from hurting anyone even if it meant she would be hurt in the process. I wish I were more like her.

I’m not sure why I wrote this post. I guess since I was sitting here bawling my eyes out listening to Pam, I thought I would try to relieve a little bit of the sadness by writing. It has seemed to help some.