A life of regrets

We somewhat enjoyed eating lunch with several of our family members, but dad was just too weak to hang around after eating. I walked him to my car, helped him get in, and we headed toward his house. Halfway through our drive dad started talking about how there was so many things that he never got around to doing. He had been wanting to go fishing again when the weather warmed up and he had plans for buying another gun. I’ll never forget him turning toward me and saying, “Byron, if there is anything that you want to do in this life, you better do it now because you never know how much time you have left.” I can’t even tell you the number of times those words have went through my head over the past 2 months since his passing.

My entire life growing up around my dad, all I heard him talk about was wanting to one day own a farm with a bunch of land and have a place he could hunt and fish. A place where all of his family could come and spend time and eat Sunday dinners together. He came close one time of obtaining his dream but it was pulled out from under him right at the last minute. I think he gave up on it after that. 

Losing my dad has been the single most devastating thing to happen in my life. I am almost 50-years old now and feel that I am at a crossroads. If I am lucky I still have 20 or 30 more years left but then again, I may not. I feel like I’m trapped in a situation that I have no control over whatsoever. My strongest desire in life right now is to be able to Pastor full-time and be close to my family. But circumstances prevent me from doing that. My kids are nearly grown now and I feel that I’ve missed out on so much of their lives. Although we have had good times together we have missed out on so many things due to my work schedule and fulfilling my duties as a pastor.

I don’t want to come to the end of my life with regrets. How I pray the Lord would guide me in the right way. I am still mourning over my dad and I honestly don’t know how life will ever be as meaningful anymore. I know this is has been a rather depressing post but I am only speaking from my heart. If you’ve read this far I want to ask you to pray for me that the Lord will give me some kind of peace and the knowledge of what to do in my life so that I don’t have any regrets.